A thousand pictures I cannot erase. These thousand memories put a smile on my face. The good do outweigh the bad.  You’ve fallen out of love… but my heart still beats a thousand symphonies for you. Call it foolish and naive if you please. 

One ring with so much promise.

I always knew what I had, but now it’s gone. I should’ve loved you more. Should’ve held you closer. Should’ve shown you how you made (make) me completely feel.  Should’ve gave you what you needed.

I’m so sorry. 

I don’t think you know how much I wanted to just lay or sit real close to her, this weekend. To express so much affection. Not just tell her I love her. So many times, i’d look at her and want to kiss her. How do you fall out of love, with someone who’s so far past fallen out of love with you? Real emotions are impossible to neglect when they are genuine. I do as I can to hide how I feel, because expressing them would mean nothing. Could you even begin to understand how badly I wanted to hold her hand in mine, fingers intertwined, while walking through the mall? At one point I was so close, but had to fight the urge. Do you know how loneliness feels? Watching or simply knowing that the person you once shared your world with and still would do anything for…. is through with you…. and loving someone else. There’s nothing you could possibly do about it. Wanting to spend time with someone but it’s no longer your place to ask for time. But then you build up the courage and decide to want to ask…. to only find out that person has gone away to be with someone else. Ever been turned down so many times? Reaching that point to conclude that you will just take things as they are, because you just can’t change it. Tired of being asked “what’s wrong” and decide to just cover-up everything with conceivable smiles and laughter. As if all is good and gravy. Sighing to that final thought of just slowly distancing yourself, because watching her be happy without you, won’t do you any good. Letting go and letting God, because you love her so much that you want her to be happy….. even if you aren’t. Just go about living and doing what needs to be done.

……..Maybe she’ll miss me.

My heart gets lonely, but I smile. Decided to 

no longer torture myself with thoughts of someday being happy again, or living in the moment, but just living for a purpose.

I look to the universe for guidance through all my trying times. 

Grant me peace and serenity. Give me that love which flows like a symphony. Free and beautiful and untainted. May it take its course. Grant me that love I so deserve. Won’t fight against me, but will fight with me. Work with me. Patient and kind. Which will acknowledge all that is good, rather than the one thing holding us back. 

Ever seen the other side of jealousy? Less envy, less greed and more friendly? That healthy dose of uncertainty. Caring so much to stir up curiosity. “Where’ve you been? Who’s she?” This feeling that you don’t wanna share me. I’m yours as i’ll ever be. “I need you to pay more attention to me.”

yeaaaaa i’m a big girl now

Growth- change in inevitable.

Can’t always care about what people say and think.

I swear i’d let the whole world know. 

notestomyfuturegirlfriend:

I feel like i have already met you or you have some how been put into my life somewhere. I just hope that i can make you happy and make you proud. I hope you love me for me as i will love you for you because you may have flaws but i can see past those and see the love in your soul. Please forgive me if i am bashing on myself because i still need to fix myself a little but with you i think i will be able to make that step in the most positive direction. 

Love, 

Me

I’m on the second “break” of my life. (This one is actually MY choosing)

But yeah ….I needed a break, I couldn’t take all the nagging and arguing anymore. I lost interest and the sex wasn’t the least bit satisfying. Before we got together and even in the wee beginning, things were good (not great). But then things were getting crazy and I started to feel like she was trying to control and smother me. Don’t get me wrong… I love attention, love & affection, and of course I was reciprocating all of that….. but when it starts to feel like the person is continuously breathing down your neck …0.o

Then came the arguing. Sometimes about nothing important. I was getting tired fast and began to show less affection/attention and wanted to spend less time, because I swear to you every encounter, some stupid argument would happen and i’d end up being called “rude” or “nonchalant”. Well ….. if you’re coming out the side of your neck, OF COURSE I won’t care!

Now the sex……..

First time, of course I did my thing. But she wasn’t returning the favor quite well. I told her this and thought eventually she’ll get better at it

………NOPE

Of course she got ALL her nutts out, but it wasn’t getting any better. I was dying lol. THen came the “if only you had a dick, it would be easier for me to please you” ……..(0.0) WTF, WHO FUCKIN SAYS SHIT LIKE THAT!?!? 

I was through after that. 

More arguing came along, but now about my lack of affection and wanting to spend time, and always ready to spend time with someone else. I had nothing to say b/c yes I noticed I was giving less and less. I lost my attraction. I no longer had that desire to be around her nor show any love *le sigh* I know that’s not cool, but what can I do? So instead of it just continuing like this, I called a TIMEOUT. I need the time to figure out if I still want this and sort out my feelings, because honestly

……..my heart belongs to someone else. 

I still want to visit Jamaica within the next year and meet her grandmother, that she loves so much.

I admire the love.